My Best Friend is a Pet Turtle
by Seriosity
Summary: Watch this. Pay close attention to what starfish says. This displays my feelings for you exactly. I WANNA BE WITH YOU FOREVER." Rejection isn't very kind to Sakura. :C


'_Cause I Hate You, God Damn It!_

_**A/N: Turtles win at life. Literally. Or should I say tortoises? Ah… I don't fucking care. u_u

* * *

**_

To: Sasuke Uchiha

From: Sakura Haruno

Subject: …

--

_Dude. _Seriously? Rejecting me so LOUDLY and in front of the whole SCHOOL? You. Fucking. Suck. Because of you, my best friend is a turtle.

URGHJfildjfkladjfkldjalfjda;fjs.

Worst. Guy. Ever.

I think your brother is gay, btw.

Will fucking kill you,

Sakura

--

To: Sakura Haruno

From: Sasuke Uchiha

Subject: RE: …

--

This was your fault. And I agree with you on that one last part.

--

* * *

Sakura stroked the back of her baby turtle's shell continuously while staring out her window. Of course, her turtle had no response for it was not a cat or dog. But her turtle listened to her- Or so Sakura thought. Whenever she had troubles, she'd sit on her bed and stroke her turtle and rant about her day. And after what happened today, she was doing some major turtle stroking…

Ew. Never mind, that last sentence wasn't written in a clean way.

Sakura sighed, and then proceeded to talking to herself.

"Why, god damn it, why!? I hate this. Eff. Emm. Ell."

Her pastel pink hair was unruly and tangled from her exploits earlier that day. There were chunks of pizza and dried soda in her hair.

"What was he thinking? He could've just said, 'o sry no sakura I dun lyk u' like other guys do, but _nooooooo! _He had to make a big deal about it. Scoff at me, loudly say, 'Sorry, but I don't date people with unnatural hair colors and eye colors.' In front of everyone at lunch. GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!"

Fortunately, Sakura's parents weren't home to hear her satanic… Er, self… ranting.

* * *

With Sasuke~

Sasuke's ever so long, yet masculine, dark lashes blinked in irritation. It wasn't _his _fault some stupid girl with god damn **pink, **_**pink **_hair asked him out during lunch and was expecting an, "Oh, yes, Sakura! My heart beats faster every time anyone even utters your name! Marry me and make my babies, please!"

Okay, so MAYBE he was blowing just a simple fangirl wanting a date out of proportion, but _seriously! _He had way too many fangirls. It didn't even make sense to BE a fangirl. Fangirls _always _get rejected, so why do they even try? Anyway, he was not in a good mood. It just so happened his supposed asshole blonde best friend is Sakura's second cousin or something. Naruto also happens to be very protective of family.

"Fuck my life." Sasuke groaned and slapped his forehead.

He could've sworn somebody whisper, "You deserve it," back to him.

The Uchiha blinked and looked around, his eyes resting on his closet. He heard somebody snickering within it, and frowned.

"Ok, whoever you are, probably Naruto, come out of the closet. Seriously."

The snickering stopped and there was an awkward silence. Angrily, Sasuke walked over to his closet and shoved open the door. Sitting on the closet floor with a porn magazine was Naruto.

"You fucker…" Sasuke was mortified.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE." Sasuke screamed at his perverted friend.

* * *

With Hinata~

Kay, so I was planning on shopping afterschool with the girls (including Sakura). But you know what happened. Practically yelling rejection in front of the whole school at lunch. Yikes.

So yeah. Sakura is depressed and probably stroking her turtle to hell and thinking of ways to kill somebody, or maybe even herself. Ughhhh. Ino's closer to Sakura than I am, so when she heard, she refused to go shop with Tenten, Temari, and I. Not saying I don't like them, but I really would rather not hang out with JUST Tenten and Temari. Sure, Tenten is my cousin's girlfriend. But really.

Not the way I was planning on spending my afterschool. What the fuck. Something bad happens to ONE of my friends and it creates a ripple effect, ruining MY plans in the process. God must really hate me, or not exist…

Hey.

Don't judge me for saying that…

Know what? Go to hell! I'm sick and tired of all this shit happening! Fuck you!

Hinata, out.

* * *

With Naruto~

To: Sasuke Uchiha

From: Naruto Uzumaki

Subject: You know very well, asshole.

--

I was _**not **_actually fapping in your closet. GOD. You can't take a fucking joke! You are so lame, Sasuke. Like, the epitome of lame. Like Queen Emo Lame Lord Voldemort Severus SnAPE shit.

I hate you. You're a sucky friend. You got my second cousin… Or something… Really depressed. She's probably with her best friend of a turtle. This really is all your fault. God. Go make it up to her. Ask her out. You can't **seriously **hate her that much. She was your best friend before me. Before ME, SASUKE. I AM YOUR ONLY FRIEND RIGHT NOW THANKS TO YOU FUCKERY. GO TO HELL. BUT BEFORE THAT GO MAKE BABIES WITH SAKURA AND THEN GO TO HELL. Seriously, man.

_**srsly.**_

--

To: Naruto Uzumaki

From: Sasuke Uchiha

Subject: RE: You know very well, asshole.

--

I did nothing wrong. I have nothing to say to you.

--

* * *

With Sakura~

Sakura actually, though it is hard to believe, was very depressed. More depressed than angry. For years, she'd been trying to make it clear to Sasuke that she loved him and would do anything for him. Even dye her hair!

All he did was reject her and make her the laughing stock of the whole school. It was 9:40 and Sakura didn't bother coming downstairs for dinner.

So she went to youtube to cheer herself up. Honestly, Sakura wasn't like other girls. She didn't go to blog or sob on the phone with her 243453423 friends. She went to youtube and watched something funny, then laughed her ass off. Even if she didn't get any enjoyment out of it.

Sakura decided to watch Charlie- YES. THE FUCKING UNICORN. And the 3rd one. After watching the faggotry of the video, she got inspiration to write an email to Sasuke.

--

To: Sasuke Uchiha

From: Sakura Haruno

Subject: You're such a fucking Charlie.

--

/insert link that can't really be put in a fanfic.

Watch this. Pay close attention to what starfish says. This displays my feelings for you exactly.

I WANNA BE WITH YOU FOREVER.

-YOU WILL FUCKING LOVE ME TO DEATH ONE DAY

* * *

_A/N: Lmao. I'm so lame. Please, please, please review. It motivates me to continue. And tell me- is there anything I need to fix in my writing style? Opinions appreciated._


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